The Essence of Friendship

~Great Advice on Friendship from Aish.com Rabbi Kalman Packouz~

"A businessman in ancient times from the Land of Israel who was accused of being a spy. After being condemned to death, the man requests 30 days to return home to put his affairs in order and to say good-bye to his family. The judge laughs at the ridiculous request; the man responds that he has a friend who will stay in jail in his place until he comes back -- and if he doesn't come back, his friend will die in his place.

This the judge had to see. So, they send for the friend. Sure enough, he agrees to stand bond in place of his friend all the way up to the noose.

The businessman returns home, puts his affairs in order, says good-bye to his family and returns with plenty of time to spare. Unfortunately, there is a storm at sea and he is delayed. He arrives shortly before the time he is to be executed. He runs to the town square where his friend is already at the gallows; he screams, "No, it is I who is to be executed!" And his friend yells back, "No, you're too late!" They create such a commotion and confusion that the king calls for them to be brought before him.

Each presents his case and then they begin to argue with each other about who is to be executed. Finally, the king stops them and says, "I will pardon you both on one condition -- that you make me a third friend!"

What is the essence of friendship? Loyalty. A true friend is always there for you. The Hebrew word for friend is "chaver" -- from the word "chibbur" which means attached, joined. A true friend is someone whose love is unconditional, who will be there for you always. The very foundation of friendship is loyalty.

A true friend does not condone wrong behavior and immoral choices. However, he is there to support, to reprove, to help his friend get his life back on track. He cares enough about you to tell you when you are wrong, but he does it with love and in a way that you can hear. A true friend will help you grow as a human being and to reach your goals.

One would not choose a surgeon just because he seems to be a nice guy. Choosing a friend is serious business; friends influence your life -- and come with responsibilities! Know what traits you want in a friend before seeking friendship. Be careful of committing to a friendship haphazardly. Make sure you choose the right friends!

How does one make a true friend? First, be careful who you choose to be your friend. If friendship implies commitment and loyalty, you should select your friends carefully. A friend can help you elevate yourself in life or he can bring you down. Know the character and history of someone before making him a friend.

Ethics of the Fathers gives the following advice: "K'nei l'cha chaver" which translates as "Buy for yourself a friend." Obviously, one cannot buy friendship -- although I did have a college roommate who always told me "Friends stay friends longer when they give gifts" (problem was, he always wanted to be on the receiving end...).

However, friendship does take investment. The best vitamin for acquiring a friend is B1. If one wants a person to be his friend, then he has to give the commitment and loyalty in order to get it in return. (It is much like marriage.) One must watch out for his friend's best interest and to be there for him. By the way, if you want to see who loves you and is concerned about you -- look at who cares about your children. If your friend cares about your children, he really cares about you!

THE A-Z of FRIENDSHIP A Friend....
Accepts you as you are     Believes in you     Calls you just to say "HI"     Doesn't give up on you     Envisions the whole of you     Forgives your mistakes     Gives unconditionally     Helps you     Invites you over     Just "be" with you     Keeps you close at heart     Loves you for who you are     Makes a difference in your life     Never judges	Offers support Picks you up Quiets your fears Raises your spirits Says nice things about you Tells you the truth when you need to hear it Understands you Values you Walks beside you X-plains things you don't understand Yells when you won't listen, and Zaps you back to reality         Shalom!!!